Childhood is often described as a magical time, full of discovery and growth. But did you know that the first eight years of life are the most crucial in shaping who we become as adults? During this period, a child experiences rapid physical, emotional, and social development that lays the foundation for their future.
According to Associate Professor Dr. Nazariah Sharie Jenon, an expert in Developmental Psychology from the International Islamic University Malaysia (IIUM), childhood development revolves around three core areas: physical, cognitive, and socio-emotional. While all are vital, it's the personality and socio-emotional growth that often gets overlooked. Yet, this aspect plays a huge role in how children develop self-confidence, build meaningful relationships, and navigate the world as adults.
The Silent Impact of Emotional Neglect
But what happens when a child’s emotional needs go unmet? According to Nurin Farisha Mohd Supi, a psychology counselor at Az-Zahrah Multi-Intelligence Academy (AMPAC), emotional neglect can quietly occur even in well-meaning households. Sometimes parents are unaware they're neglecting their child’s emotional needs by dismissing their feelings or controlling every aspect of their life. This can make children feel invisible, unheard, and undervalued.
"Emotional neglect can take many forms," Nurin explains. "Parents may ignore their children’s feelings or even smother them with over-control, disregarding their individuality."
This neglect doesn’t just stay in childhood—it follows people into adulthood. The inability to connect emotionally or have deep conversations as a child can lead to problems later, like anxiety or depression. These childhood wounds can become emotional baggage that affects how adults express love, handle stress, and form relationships.
Why Does This Happen?
Parents don’t neglect their children on purpose. Often, they’re grappling with their own issues, whether it’s stress, mental health struggles, or unresolved trauma from their own childhood. This leads to what experts call transgenerational trauma—a cycle where emotional pain is passed down from one generation to the next.
Imagine this: a mother who experienced neglect or abuse as a child might unconsciously repeat the same behavior with her own children. This not only harms the child but also creates a dysfunctional family dynamic where emotional stress becomes a constant companion.
Breaking Free from the Cycle
So, can this cycle of emotional neglect and trauma be broken? The good news is—yes! Dr. Nazariah emphasizes that recognizing the problem is the first step toward change. Once parents become aware of how their behavior impacts their children, they can seek help, surround themselves with a positive environment, and create a healthier space for their family.
“If a parent doesn’t realize the damage, the cycle will likely continue,” Dr. Nazariah says. "But with awareness and effort, change is possible."
Nurin agrees, adding that it’s essential to notice the signs of emotional neglect in children, which can range from low self-esteem to drastic changes in behavior. Seeking professional help and creating open lines of communication within the family are crucial steps in healing and preventing further trauma.
Parents Are Human, Too
While it’s important to recognize the role of parents in shaping a child’s future, it’s equally important to acknowledge that parents aren’t perfect. They make mistakes, too.
“It’s easy to blame our parents for how we turned out, but at some point, we need to take responsibility for our own actions and reactions,” says Nurin. “As we grow, we have the power to choose how we respond to the challenges life throws at us.”
Dr. Nazariah offers a final piece of advice: “It’s essential to find peace within yourself. From a religious perspective, there is always a reason for our life experiences. Trust in Allah SWT, and with faith, healing and growth will follow.”